A Middle Son Patricia Fisher I'm proud of you, you know. Even though I never see you, hold you, love you close up.   I know you work hard, doing your best, in an imperfect world, an imperfect life.   I know somewhere, some tiny part of your heart. There I dwell.   No one can lock out everything, no matter how busy their lives.   What shocks me most, when I do see you. Are the things I had forgotten. Like your hands, I gasp at their beauty. Or the colour of your eyes. It shocks me, that I had forgotten that. Just the exquisit beauty of you. Your perfect body. Your perfect smile.   I gasp because I did forget, until that moment.   I can lock you out of my heart and go on. But in those microcosm of time, when we do meet. It's those superficial things that sneak in. Slicing open my heart again. Causing it to bleed. Falling in love with you, all over again.   And the questions start, in my head. Did I love you enough. What did I do wrong. A middle child gets forgotten. No! Not forgotten. Just smothered by the needs of two brothers, too charismatic and noisy. Two little sisters, too sweet and loving, too demanding.   You shone, you know. You, out of all my children, held some special part of my heart. That was, no is, only yours.   It was me, who saw your quiet beauty. I was the one, who recognised your incredible mind, your intelligence.   I knew you would go far, thats why, I said. "Don't forget us Jody."   I didn't expect you to have a family though. I thought you would be famous. I know you have forgotten some things. The way it felt to play music, sing your own songs. The joy that was yours, standing on stage. You have locked that part of your life away.   I haven't though, I keep those memories, safe for you. The sparkle in your eyes as you walked off stage. The look on your face, as you looked up at me and said. "Mum, I know what I want to do for the rest of my life."   It took my breath away. I was glad for you, my dreams of a rocket scientist slipping away. It's not everyone, who knows what they want in life at 10.   But an ambitious wife, hungry for money, too demanding of your time. Too possessive of your heart. Has crushed that and swept you out of our lives as well.   How did she seduce such a spiritual being to run with big corporate pack dogs.   How did she convince, my angel, so close to those beyond the veil, so focused on healing the less fortunate. Giving your love, using your gifts for others.   How did she seduce you away from that. From those who had loved you so dearly.   She replaced it all with, money, wine, and pressure and critisism, Dangling your children, like carrots in front of you, to keep you captive.   Are you happy son? I hope so, I would give up every moment with you, for you to have that.

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